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Writer's pictureLyn Reed

Stop Snooping, Start Reflecting

One of the primary reasons clients often turn to me for assistance is due to their unauthorized access to their partner's phone. While they know this breaches the other person's privacy, they sometimes yield to their impulsive desire to uncover 'the truth' to attain peace of mind. Nevertheless, this invasion of privacy can lead to adverse effects. Clients express feelings of paranoia, trust issues, and the emergence of tensions and conflicts within their relationships.


What compels many people to risk making the situation worse? One common explanation is the belief that their partner is unfaithful and the need to verify it. I often caution them that attempting to access a phone without permission could indicate that they are carrying some level of guilt and suggest they reflect on that.


We all have a right to privacy. At the beginning of my therapy sessions, I make it clear to my clients that unless I have serious concerns about their mental well-being posing a risk, I will not disclose our conversations to anyone. It is ultimately up to them to decide what to do with the information, but I advise them to think twice before sharing it with others. The same goes for phones, which hold private information and conversations that should be kept confidential. After all, if someone wanted to share what is on their phone, they would do so. We all have the freedom to make that decision.


Those who engage in snooping often find that their curiosity is insatiable. A single peek is rarely sufficient for them; they feel compelled to repeatedly revisit the pictures and messages on the phone, fueling their paranoia. This cycle of questioning and suspicion only serves to heighten insecurities, fears, and anxieties and can lead to serious mental health struggles. The mind concocts a narrative that aligns with the content of the messages and photos, which then becomes ingrained in our belief system. This behaviour doesn't necessarily involve obvious actions like exploring a dating app; it can be as subtle as examining maps, monitoring someone's movements, and pondering discrepancies between their stated whereabouts and actual locations.


I believe it's not the phone that causes people to feel paranoid. Rather, it is unhealthy behaviour that leads to people feeling overwhelmed. Dishonesty, secrecy, and deceit do not bode well for our relationships, as they can heighten our anxieties, and insecurities, and hinder our ability to think clearly. When our emotions are unsettled, our focus is compromised. We may fixate on hypothetical scenarios and seek out proof to validate our doubts.


It is counterproductive to monitor our partner's phone activities without proper context or purpose, as our brains tend to lean towards negativity and self-preservation, leading to increased frustration. A more constructive and beneficial approach would be openly communicating about our emotions, worries, and issues. It is important to mutually agree that invading each other's privacy by checking phones is detrimental, and acknowledge that everyone deserves personal space.


Respecting each other's boundaries is essential for a healthy

relationship.



If we truly value our partners and acknowledge the importance of respecting boundaries, we should refrain from using our phones to snoop.





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